Jehovah-M'Kaddesh: The Lord Who Sanctifies
If you were to ask me the top most prayers of my heart, they
would have to be (in order of their frequency):
“Let me be your hands and your feet, your eyes and your
ears, your heart and your smile in the world”
“Search me, refine me…create in me a clean heart”
“More”
Sure there are other prayers, other circumstances, other
situations that come up…but I think THESE three are my top 3, and get prayed
out loud every day, in some form or another.
Recently, I saw how He has answered these cries of my heart-
in such a loving way. I have always
struggled with invisibility, it is one of the greatest attacks satan has
launched at me, seemingly since birth.
A woman that I hold MOST dear once said the most profound words to me-
that changed the way I “do” life: “Find the greatest attack in your life and
that is probably your greatest gifting,
meant for the Kingdom”. Think about
that- where are you MOST attacked?? What
is satan trying desperately to keep you from finding out about yourself?? Imagine that you have these spiritual
batteries that are ready to explode into Kingdom work, but you have to discover
them. Satan is doing everything he can
to keep them hidden under the lies of who you are not.
I was not created to be invisible, none of us were. I was created to be a heart, a voice, a
paintbrush – for Him. Satan wants
nothing more that to keep me from that destiny, so since birth, he has
whispered lies in my ear that speak to
my insignificance.
I have been fighting the Cloak of Invisibility for what
seems like forever. I have prayed for
boldness to do His work in the world, to not shrink back. In trying to counter the attack of
invisibility, I found myself seeking “recognition
of man” to fuel my batteries and launch me into Kingdom Work. In the workroom that uses “recognition of man”,
as the source of batteries, you get tired.
There was a season that the Lord took me out of everything and had me
sit in a spiritual cave, and just listen for his still, small voice. A season that lasted a few years, we did not
have a church. In that season, He took
me through the corridors of my heart and helped me to find my identity in HIM,
not in my service and ministries. My
identity wasn’t tied into how much I did at church or how many committees I
served on, it was only found in Him. He taught me, slowly and intimately, that He was the source of my identity. If I spoke to loud, I missed the whisper of
His voice. If I looked for the
earthquakes and the fires, I missed the still, quiet voice that spoke words of
love and affirmation over me. Completely dependent on Him, I emerged from
our cave, and was launched back into the world.
Lately, I have felt a desire to go back to our cave and
listen to His voice again. As the attack of invisibility is launched anew, I
have found that the old ways don't work.
I outgrew our cave, for the time being, and the cave of our discovery,
is closed to me now.
In anguish I cry out to Him…”Not again Lord,
heal me of this wound. I don't want to
go through it all again. Help me Lord,
Show me Lord…where is the blessing in this??
Not again Lord, please not again”
Then it happened, I didn't need my cave…the cave was inside
me all of the time. His still, quiet
voice slammed into my heart and stilled me at my very core:
"What if I trust you with
invisibility?"
My breathe caught , barely
breathing, "Tell me ...."
"The prayer of your heart is to
be My hands and feet....I trust you in that place. Do you want them to see YOU
or ME?"
Are you going to allow satan to rob
you of your prize, by being lost in offense, a need for recognition?
“No...NO!”
“A gift that I have bestowed on you-
satan is trying to rob you of. You will not
get credit, you will not be noticed. The things that are planted through your
prayer, intercession and intimacy in My presence will never come back to you,
as the world would seem fit. You were made to go into unchartered territories to
make the way. When you have successfully connected others hand to Mine - you
are invisible in the process. Your reward is that I will trust you with MORE,
the other cry of your heart. It is a big calling to be My Hands and feet, eyes,
ears and heart- because you disappear and allow ME to shine through. This
wounding is your strength, allow me to work through it and don’t get trapped in
the world of offense. How badly do you need recognition? Are you willing to be
invisible for me?”
The very thing that I have fought
against I will now embrace.....
The three cries of my heart, that I
have been praying for years, came alive in a perfect culmination, and I am sure
that my Jehovah M’Kaddesh – the Lord Who
Sanctifies, will continue to search my heart and claim more of it for His
purposes. Create in me a clean heart, O
Lord, so that I may house more of you.
The beauty in how the Lord walked me through this is staggering.
*I had to find my identity in Him,
renouncing worldly recognition and invisibility
*I had to embrace a spirit of
boldness to embrace the ministries that He birthed.
*I had to embrace invisibility to
release His identity
So, I would ask you? What is the
biggest attack on your life and on your heart?
Can you find your Kingdom Purpose there?
When you find it, wrestle with God
until you find His face. The very thing
that satan has tried to destroy me with has become my greatest spiritual weapon….and
I call this place “Peniel” because, once again, I wrestled with God, and found
His face.
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